I was surprised to receive an email the other day from Cameron Von St. James. He is the husband of a cancer survivor, and has written a great article on the subject. I'm proud to be able to present it in its entirety below. Thanks, Cameron!
Caring for a Cancer Patient: Our Story of Survival
On November 21, 2005, just over a month before my only daughter would celebrate her first Christmas, my wife, Heather, received word that she had malignant pleural mesothelioma, a rare and extremely deadly form of cancer. Suddenly, instead of preparing for the most joyful time of the year with a precious new addition to our family, we were facing the darkest time of our lives.
Before we left the doctor’s office, the weight of being a caregiver fell upon me. After sharing the news, the doctor told us a little about the diagnosis and about various treatment options. Heather could be treated at the local university hospital, go to a regional cancer facility with excellent care but no devoted mesothelioma program, or fly to Boston to be treated by a mesothelioma specialist. Heather stared at the doctor. Her face screamed for someone to rescue her. I blurted out, “Get us to Boston!” It was the first of many tough decisions I would make for my family over the following months.
In the months ahead, chaos ruled our lives. Heather could no longer work, and I was only able to work part time while I took her to treatments and doctors visits and made arrangements for our trips to Boston. There was too much to do. At times, fear overwhelmed me. I didn’t want to imagine my life as a single father, left to care for Lily alone. The situation angered and terrified me, but I realized that Heather needed me to be her rock. I did my best to remain strong for her.
Each time the circumstances seemed to be too much to bear, help came. It came from friends, family and even strangers. Sometimes the help was financial in nature. Other times caring words or practical assistance in daily activities gave me the courage to carry on. It took me a while to learn how to accept these generous offers of help. At first, my pride interfered, but I quickly learned that there is no room for pride in a battle with cancer. Once I accepted this, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. My strongest advice to any caregivers is to accept every offer of help that comes your way.
The job of a caregiver is difficult. There isn’t any escape. Fear, anger, resentment and worry will try to overcome you. Allow yourself to have bad days, but then you must pick yourself up and move on. Remember that others are there to help. When someone offers assistance, graciously accept. Use any resource available to you to stay strong and support your loved one.
It took years for life to return to normal for my family. After months and months of difficult mesothelioma treatment, Heather was able to defy the odds and beat this terrible disease. Now, over seven years since her tragic diagnosis, Heather remains healthy and cancer free. To other caregivers and cancer patients out there, I would say hold onto hope. That hope will get you through the darkest times. You are stronger than you know.
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